Timeout with Endless Possibilities

Timeouts are awful; just awful. When I grow up I plan on creating legislation to make it illegal to use or even threaten a timeout. But until that day comes, I wanted to share some tips on how to make the most of your time in the naughty spot.

Timeouts, as bad as they are, can have endless possibilities for fun. Now before I move onto my lists of "do's", I have to state the obvious. The majority of your time (especially in the first moments) should be spent screaming. Thrashing and stomping are also acceptable, but screaming is a must. Once you get tired with the fits of rage (take all the time you need) you might want a little something else to do. You must be quick and effective, because when you get quiet, the mommy comes back. Having ideas like these will help you

make the most of your time.

Now if your mommy is like mine, she probably puts you in a place where there is very little (if anything) to do or play with. But don't let that discourage you. Dig deep and let your surroundings inspire you. Find a seam in the wallpaper? Pull and tear. Minuscule hole or dent in the wall? With time and effort you can make it large and noticeable to anyone walking by. Even when the memory of the timeout is over, you can have a permanent display of your skills on the wall. (Trust me. It always takes them a lot of time to repair that kind of damage.) Pick carpet; scratch the flooring; catch a dust bunny. I am telling you there is more to do in timeout than just bang your head. (Though still another viable option.) Of course, if you are in a place that has a door protector on the base board (you know; one of those springy stick things at the bottom of the wall), play that baby like the lead soloist in a Hee-Haw band.

Ta-wong, ta-wong!

Now that we discussed exploring your environment, let's go to a more personal level. You! Nine out of ten times, you are not going to be naked when put in timeout. But don't think that you can't get that way. Stripping off all the constraints (or clothes in mommy talk) in your timeout containment is a great way to pass your period of cruel and unusual solitary confinement. Now, your tossed clothing has magically become toys! Pants become head wear, creating a beautiful head of hair. Your socks are now hand puppets. Mommy wants my timeout to be alone time where I calm down. But how can I calm down when I have Lefty and Righty to party with? Plus, I've heard it said that the best revenge in life against your rival is living well. And it is so true. You-know-who might call it a TIME OUT, but with the right attitude, I like to make it into a TIME IN FUNVILLE!

So get out there and make every time out the time of your life. I'll see you when I get out of the naughty spot. -- Ella

P.S. Lefty and Righty say "Bye-bye!"